pause.

Sometimes I just want to hit 'pause' and freeze this season of our lives. As challenging as the terrible threes can be, they're also so funny and awe inspiring to me. In one moment, Nate will ask me the same question eight times and, after getting an answer that he doesn't want, try to do it anyway. In the next moment, he's spouting off some quippy or intuitive thought that flits across his mind.

I had a conversation with a lady in Target the other day that started off with her asking my opinion of an outfit and ended with talking about the different ages and stages that she's watched her seven (!!) kids go through. With kids who are in their late twenties, all the way to 24 months, she said that "each year gets more fun". And she's right. Each year is an increasingly fun and rewarding adventure, but each year is also so precious. I wouldn't want to trade Nate's baby days for anything. That little chunk brought out a new level of love that I've never felt before and gave me a crash course into motherhood - 

Now, we're able to have actual conversations and I'm able to really appreciate his personality, his sense of humor, and help to train him to be the best person that he can be when he gets older. I've seen a burst in his language skills over the last few month; my child now uses prepositions, pronouns, and articles regularly and correctly! The fact that we are moving from child-caveman speak ("me hungry")  to full sentences ("I'm a little bit hungry. May I have a snack please?") is a huge deal. I think every parent with kids has said the phrase "use your words" about a billion times. It's exciting to finally be at that point!

For the record, I'm still convinced that Nate doesn't sleep as much as other kids his age. We had an unprecedented moment last week where Nate fell asleep at 8:00 p.m., but then woke up before midnight raring to go. Never again! On any given day, he can run laps, not take a nap, not have sugar, and still be running full steam at my bedtime. He exhausts me but I wouldn't have it any other way!

summer wish list.

As far as I am concerned, summer is here! The weather is warming up, lawn maintenance is in full swing, and for the first time in a long time, no one is in school! I finished up my graduate certificate in Academic Advising through Kansas State University in December and hubby just wrapped up his second to last class for his Master's. I think I may be more excited for him to graduate than he is! One Master's thesis stands between us and having a little bit of free time back!

One day I'll finish up my Master's. I'm about a third of the way done with it, but then I got side tracked taking the grad cert for a different program at a different school. I work in higher ed and I know better than to jump around so much, but for now, mama needs a break!

I made a list (because that's what I do) of the top three things that everyone wants to do this summer:

Me:

• Go to the beach. I desperately need a vacation! 
• Get Nate into swimming lessons. Sink or swim, kiddo.
• Repaint the dining room; I have major regret for wanting to paint it red when we bought our house. I blame the pregnancy hormones. 

Chris: 

• Go to the beach
• See movies at the actual theatre 
• Sleep (Hey, I got two-ish real wishlist items, I'll take it)

Nate: 

• Build a snowman (somebody's been watching too much Frozen and singing some "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?", ehh?) 
• Sleep outside (I'm assuming this means camping)
• Play with plants (Good luck with this one, kid. I do not have a green thumb - plants last a week, tops, with me)

Well it looks like we'll definitely try to get to the beach. I'm ready for some time to relax with our little family! 

nathan-isms, vol. 5.

The terrible threes may be upon us, but the tantrums seem to be subsiding somewhat. The beauty and hilarity of this age is that your child begins to find his voice. Another round of Nathan-isms...

Monday afternoon, on the way home from school...
Me: I missed you today. Did you miss me?
Nate: Can I be honest?
Me: Yes...
Nate: Not really.

Calling my mom on the phone for Mother's Day...
Nate: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!! Why are my mommy's teeth black?
(for the record, I feel the need to point out that this is not the case and I am not on my dentist's naughty list)

On a particularly trying afternoon...
Me: Why are you being stubborn?
Nate: Because I'm a Darder.

In reflecting over the passage of time...
Nate: Mommy, is it Friday?
Me: No, it's only Tuesday.
Nate: Are you sure?
Me: Yup.
Nate: But...could you just double check?

Before heading to a birthday party...
Me: You're going to a birthday party tomorrow for a little girl. It's a princess party!
Nate: Oh wow! And I can be a prince for allllllll the girls?

hats & filters.

Have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment? I have. It's been an eye opening and integral part of my professional and personal development over the last few years. Basically, there are different personality dimensions that represent your preferences - not what you do 100% of the time, but what you gravitate to and find a sense of comfort in. It's funny how just a few letters can set you on a path to a deeper sense of self-awareness. My personality type is:

Introversion
Sensing
Thinking
Judging

I love my 'S' and my 'J'. I embrace the ability to take in all of the details and plan the hell out of things. I love order, facts (I work in an ideal job where I am up to my ears in data), and I organize everything. The combination of these preferences makes me feel borderline OCD, but as long as I am a highly efficient and functioning OCD, I embrace that too.

The combination of my "I" and my "T" tend to screw me over. Ahh, this blog of mine is generally photos of my kid, but we're taking a different direction tonight. Introversion: pretty self explanatory, right? I am not a center of attention, public speaking, first to volunteer kind of girl. Thinking: this one is a bit tricker. I like to think of this as logical and rational, without being clouded down with emotion. This isn't to say that I'm an emotionless robot, but I make decisions after thinking out pros and cons, and you will rarely hear me say "I feel blah blah blah" (unless it's about being tired).

So back to my dilemma: I don't want to sugar coat, I like to say it and hear it straight, and I cannot stand nonsense or hemming and hawing over a situation because of being uncomfortable. Just.say.it. Combine that with introversion and the result is that I have a lot on my mind without much coming out of my mouth. I think this stems from a sense of awareness of other people's innate preferences - if a person is more drawn to feelings and emotions, I am respectful of that personal space. Respectful to the point of losing my voice.

Enter relationships, the boundaries in which you feel a certain level of comfort with others (and therefore comfort to venture outside of your preferences), but in which you are the actor of a certain role. The metaphor about wearing different hats is an appropriate illustration for this idea: I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, etc. etc etc. In each of these relationships, there's almost a contract of behavior that requires you to strap on your compassionate filter, your understanding filter, your hold-your-tongue-until-you-nearly-bite-it-off-filter. In a perfect world, I could throw both my hat and my filters out with last week's garbage, but that would leave the 'feelers' in tears and my relationships in shambles.

It's time to find a better balance.